Giving and receiving feedback during tricky conversations

What’s your experience of giving – and receiving – feedback? Tricky conversations become easier when we become better at both. 

 In the Having Tricky Conversations with Confidence blog we explored the value of preparing for a tricky conversation. Providing feedback is an essential tool for this. You may have your preferred feedback model - here’s another one for your toolkit: The ‘EEC model’. 

EXAMPLE - give a specific example of someone’s performance or behaviour. 
In last week’s team meeting you cut off Mike twice even though he clearly hadn’t finished talking and you told Ya Yun  her idea was ‘completely unworkable’ using an aggressive tone. 

EFFECT - on clients, colleagues, the business, etc. 
This caused an awkward atmosphere in the meeting. Neither Mike nor Ya Yun said anything more after that which is unlike them. 

CHANGE or CONTINUE - what would like them to continue with or change? 

What led to you saying these things?​ What’s causing this frustration? 

Here we’re choosing to explore the reasons behind their behaviour, rather than go into ‘Tell’ mode. We’re at the Pull end of the Push/Pull continuum.

This can equally be used to give positive feedback in the most effective way possible: 

EXAMPLE: Your report is excellent. It is very concise, the graphs are easy to understand. 

EFFECT: It clearly demonstrates our current activity, challenges and plans to address these. 

CHANGE/CONTINUE: Let’s show this report to the rest of the team as an example of what a great report looks like.​ 

How is the other person likely to respond? How will you respond in return? 

Is there a piece of feedback you want to give but have felt reluctant about doing so? What are the reasons for this, and how many of these reasons are about them, you or both?!  

✅ 6 tips when receiving tricky feedback 

Have you ever received tricky feedback and later regretted how you responded? Have you ever taken it very personally and struggled to get beyond that?  

Receiving tricky feedback or even constructive criticism can be difficult for a number of reasons: 

• We aren’t prepared​ 

• We have a gut reaction​ 

• It’s difficult to stay calm​ 

• We don’t feel we have control because we’re responding not leading​ 

• We take things personally​ and churn on it 

• We don’t know how to respond 

Here are six steps to dealing with tricky feedback: 

1. Delay if you need to - if you aren’t confident then set a time to have the conversation. 

2. Seek more information - ask for specific examples. 

3. Listen - be objective, keep an open mind, be empathic. 

4. Ask for their suggestions - this shifts the conversation positively, helping you to find a way forward. 

5. Agree on the actions you will take. 

6. Follow up - demonstrate progress and rebuild the relationship. 

How could you respond differently next time you receive constructive feedback?  

This is a very common topic in effective leadership training and executive coaching. To find out how your teams can be more confident and skilful please get in touch.

Kate Jennings