Having Difficult Conversations with Confidence

Have you ever avoided a difficult conversation - kicked the can down the road, put your head in the sand hoping it will go away? Many of us are guilty of this!  

Pause for a second to think about a tricky conversation that you might be putting off. What are some of the consequences of that? 

This week we’ll be looking at strategies to help you approach these conversations with confidence, achieve your objective and strengthen relationships while you do it.  

Preparing for Difficult Conversations - 6 Questions to Guide You 

Why do we say, 'Fail to prepare, prepare to fail'? This motto, often associated with the Scouts, holds true across various challenging situations, whether it’s going camping, facing a job interview, or cooking Christmas dinner. This principle is particularly relevant when approaching tricky conversations. 

Why is preparation key? It gives us confidence. Perfection isn't the goal; rather, it's about getting better by doing it. So, how can you effectively prepare for a difficult conversation? Let's explore six things to consider: 

1. What’s the purpose of the conversation?  What outcome are you hoping to achieve? Defining a clear goal can guide the entire conversation.  

2. When is the best time to have the conversation: Notify the other person in advance and schedule the conversation at a time convenient for both. Ensure there’s ample time, a quiet environment, and avoid Friday afternoons.  

3. What expectations were set for performance or behaviour? How specific were you about the tasks or goals? Did you use the SMART criteria (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) to define them? These SMART parameters, though commonly used, are excellent tools for evaluating performance.  

4. What evidence do you have? What have you observed or heard? Rely on objective, evidence-based feedback to bolster your confidence. Aim to have two or three solid examples. If feedback involves third-party observations, verify them thoroughly. Can you personally witness the individual's performance or behaviour?  

5. How will you give the feedback? The EEC Model is very effective (Example, Effect, Change) model - see Giving & Receiving Feedback blog for more information on this. 

6. How can you prepare your mindset? How do you intend to BE during the conversation? Consider your general approach, body language, and tone of voice. 

   Whilst it may not go perfectly, we get better with practice.

Questions to consider

• What preparation could you do before your next difficult conversation?

• What else is stopping you having the conversation?  How can you overcome this?

If you’re interested in how you or others in your organisation can approach difficult conversations with skill and confidence, do get in touch.  

Kate Jennings