Are you a recovering perfectionist?

I love this phrase that I first heard from one of my clients. It beautifully captures the challenges from moving from perfectionism to being a bit more pragmatic. It highlights it is a journey, recognises the time it takes to develop new ways of thinking and doing things.

Recovering from perfectionism can be a challenging process. Here are some steps you can take to overcome perfectionism:

1.       Recognise and acknowledge your perfectionism: The first step is to acknowledge that you have a problem with perfectionism. Recognise the signs of perfectionism, such as setting unrealistic goals, having high expectations of yourself and others, and being overly critical of mistakes.

2.       Identify your ‘inner critic’ and your ‘inner coach’. We have both, one on each shoulder.  The inner critic reminds us each time we don’t do something perfectly, or someone gives a disapproving look.

3.       The inner coach helps challenge your perfectionistic thoughts: Whenever you find yourself thinking in a perfectionistic way, challenge those thoughts by asking yourself if they are realistic, fair, or helpful. For example, if you catch yourself thinking, "I have to do everything perfectly," try to reframe that thought to, "I will do my best and learn from my mistakes."  Learn to be honest and vulnerable (hard for a perfectionist) with those you’re closest to you, so that they can help you identify what you inner critic is saying, and how to listen more to your inner coach.

4.       Practice self-compassion: Be kind and understanding with yourself when you make mistakes. Instead of beating yourself up, try to show self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would give to a friend. Often, we are so much kinder to others, than ourselves.

5.       Set realistic goals: Set goals that are achievable and realistic. Break down larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks to help you feel more in control and less overwhelmed.

6.       Learn to tolerate discomfort: Perfectionism can be a way of avoiding uncomfortable feelings such as anxiety, fear, or shame. Practice sitting with these feelings and accepting them without judgment. This can help you develop a healthier relationship with discomfort and build resilience.  A client I worked with calls this ‘surfing’ the difficult feelings, learning to live with them, ride them until they ultimately subside (till the next time, and then we do the same again).

7.       Celebrate progress, not just perfection: Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and focus on what you have accomplished rather than what you have not yet achieved. Use others to help you with this too.

8.       Seek support: Consider seeking the support of a therapist, or coach who can help you work through your perfectionism and develop healthier habits and coping strategies.

Remember that recovering from perfectionism is a journey, not a destination. Be patient and kind with yourself as you work to overcome this challenging pattern of thinking and behaviour.

Contact me to find out more.